MDD
So I'm trying to begin blogging again. Chronicling my life and thoughts and hopefully somewhere along the way find a way to settle the restlessness that is supposed to ease with time. Fml It just gets worse.
So ima start with an introduction to me.
Hi my name is luci...
I have something called Major Depressive Disorder and along with that I have intense anxiety. So a description I like to explain it is swimming or rather just floating. Picture everyone you know in a giant pool, just floating, heads above the surface, just floating. Peaceful and gentle. Suddenly a wave disturbs the balance... Some people struggle a little, some a lot and others not at all. We all have our own responses to issues. Or waves..
My floating is rather unpredictable. Sometimes for no reason I'm struggling to keep my head above the surface while everyone else seems to be cool. It feels like drowning in misery and ache and sometimes fighting just to stay afloat gets tiring, so fucking tiring that giving in feels like the only option... But of course people who feel like this are told just stick it out. You'll make other people sad if you don't. They're not drowning like me, they're not fighting everyday a seemingly never ending fight...
Sometimes no gigantic waves are disturbing the flow but still, you're drowning. And I wonder why I'm so ridiculous and weak. Why can't I just float like everyone else...
Medication and therapy is like little floating devices to help you keep afloat, thing is other people can see that bit they don't see the struggle you have keeping your head above water cz the water looks calm to them. You get judged and ridiculed and gossiped about for trying to stay afloat.
You don't need floating devices, try natural things like trying to smile every morning . I'm fucking drowning and you want me to smile.
Sometimes small waves turn your whole world upside down and your just left wondering what the actual fuck. And often it takes a long time for the waters to settle again...
I'm at that point where I'm trying to swim and float and stop inhaling the cold salty water.... Ima keep trying to stay afloat.
I honestly hope if I don't manage to stop drowning in my own head, my loved ones will try to understand how much I actually tried to keep my head above the water..
Tomorrow is another day.
Goodnight
So ima start with an introduction to me.
Hi my name is luci...
I have something called Major Depressive Disorder and along with that I have intense anxiety. So a description I like to explain it is swimming or rather just floating. Picture everyone you know in a giant pool, just floating, heads above the surface, just floating. Peaceful and gentle. Suddenly a wave disturbs the balance... Some people struggle a little, some a lot and others not at all. We all have our own responses to issues. Or waves..
My floating is rather unpredictable. Sometimes for no reason I'm struggling to keep my head above the surface while everyone else seems to be cool. It feels like drowning in misery and ache and sometimes fighting just to stay afloat gets tiring, so fucking tiring that giving in feels like the only option... But of course people who feel like this are told just stick it out. You'll make other people sad if you don't. They're not drowning like me, they're not fighting everyday a seemingly never ending fight...
Sometimes no gigantic waves are disturbing the flow but still, you're drowning. And I wonder why I'm so ridiculous and weak. Why can't I just float like everyone else...
Medication and therapy is like little floating devices to help you keep afloat, thing is other people can see that bit they don't see the struggle you have keeping your head above water cz the water looks calm to them. You get judged and ridiculed and gossiped about for trying to stay afloat.
You don't need floating devices, try natural things like trying to smile every morning . I'm fucking drowning and you want me to smile.
Sometimes small waves turn your whole world upside down and your just left wondering what the actual fuck. And often it takes a long time for the waters to settle again...
I'm at that point where I'm trying to swim and float and stop inhaling the cold salty water.... Ima keep trying to stay afloat.
I honestly hope if I don't manage to stop drowning in my own head, my loved ones will try to understand how much I actually tried to keep my head above the water..
Tomorrow is another day.
Goodnight
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