Accountability

My gosh, its been a year and a half since last posting..

What has my life been that I keep starting and leving things half finished and uncared for.
I mean if this was a plant, thered be no trace of its existance left.. Gone. Dead. Untracable.

So Im attempting to start again. I need to do the things I want to do. Fuck instant gratification and distraction. Im going to listen to my own thoughts.Ive been denying them a voice for too long. ive been painting over them with painful colours and diluting them with unworthy mediums. For too long have I dulled myself with the hopes of temporary relief from a permanent condition.

Resenting my brain chemistry is not going to make it go anywhere. Its not going to reset no matter how hard I try to run away from it. Doing several things at once is not going to stop the insidious effects of self hate from destroying all my efforts to stay sane.

Im going to do all the things I want to do. Im going to paint, write poetry and songs. Im going to dance and sing to the music that I want to. Im going to read the novels and books I want to read. Im going to learn the things I want to learn. Im going to enjoy doing the things I want to do. Im going to blog my progress.Im going to hold myself accountable for doing the things I want to do.

I want to get to know myself, take myself on dates. I want to stop speaking over myself and treating myself like a leppar. Leprosy is curable now.

xo

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